Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
