I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
