Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
