he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
