You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
