i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
