HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
