there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
