Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
