eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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