you guys were way drunker than both of me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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