Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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