sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Sober January is a disaster.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
