If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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