Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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