New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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