she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
