3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize