Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Randomize
