Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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