You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
