I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
