apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
