I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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