So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
