Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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