i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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