I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize