I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
