this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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