so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
