I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i came on her dog
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
