i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
