What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
