I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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