Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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