I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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