direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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