The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
