Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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