17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
