I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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