I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
