Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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