I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
