dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my vag is so smooth its legendary
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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