But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
