she looked like the before picture.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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