The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
