I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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