ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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