I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
