the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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