Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
