puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
