i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
