Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
