I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Enjoy the penises
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
