you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
