This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
