Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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