you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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