Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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