Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just high enough for therapy.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
