Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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