I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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