party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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