He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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